It seemed impossible but now I’m back playing football and have started coaching an U-13 team with Aberdeen FC Ladies, writes Louise Walker.
Over a year ago, a virus left me permanently deaf in one ear. I wasn’t given much hope of being able to play football again but inspired by the SWNT in the World Cup, I decided not to give up.
I started playing football in secondary school as part of the Forres Academy girls team and continued playing when at Aberdeen University. There were so many fun moments and laughs during those times but a real highlight was when the University team qualified for the BUSA Shield for the first time in the club’s history.
A personal highlight for myself was scoring the winning goal against our biggest rivals to get us into the final of the Scottish University Cup. After finishing university, I had my first experience of coaching when I helped coach the Forres Academy girls, before moving back to Aberdeen where I played football off and on over the years in 5-a-side leagues.
Then 18 months ago everything changed when I started having dizzy spells and problems hearing properly. I had a hearing test and got the bad news that I had suffered from sudden deafness, a rare inner ear problem, probably caused by a virus. I was totally deaf in my right ear, it’s called a “dead” ear because it’s doing nothing. I was stunned when the specialists told me it was almost definitely permanent because it was probably too late for any treatment to work. The only small hope was steroid injections into my ear drum, but they didn’t help, so now I knew for certain that I’d lost half my hearing.
I was heartbroken that I was always going to be like this, not being able to hear properly was getting really frustrating and quite isolating. Apart from making everything quieter, being deaf in one ear makes it impossible to hear conversations in noisy places and to tell which direction sounds are coming from. I asked every specialist how people with my hearing loss manage to play football. No one knew if it would be possible, I can’t tell where sounds are coming from, so how would I be able to follow what was happening in a game.
At that time I thought my days of playing football were over, this just seemed like too big a mountain to climb. Quite quickly I decided to try wearing hearing aids, I was horrified at the thought of being in my 30’s and wearing them, but I was getting increasingly frustrated and embarrassed not being able to hear properly. I need special hearing aids on both ears, one with a microphone on my deaf side that sends sound to a device on my hearing side. They make it much easier to hear and because they are surprisingly small, they stay on well and allowed me to have the confidence to start exercising again.
At the same time the Women’s World Cup had started and there was lots of excitement in Scotland that our national team had qualified for the first time. It was over 20 years since a Scotland team had qualified for a World Cup and I couldn’t wait to support my own team, instead of adopting another country to support.
During all the excitement of the World Cup it really hit me that I missed playing football. There were so many memorable moments as a Scotland fan; Claire Emslie’s goal against England, Lee Alexander’s penalty save against Argentina, fellow Aberdonian Rachel Corsie being the first women to captain Scotland in a World Cup, and the enthusiasm in women’s football that it created. I hadn’t been able to find anyone who was deaf in one ear like me and still played football, to look to for inspiration. It was really the Scotland women’s team making me so excited about football again that was my motivation to stop being scared that I wouldn’t manage and to try to start playing football again.
Next I signed up to do Level 1 of the Scottish FA coaching courses, it was such an important day for me because finally, after all my hearing problems, I played football again. They were just small training games but it was such a significant moment for me, I had to concentrate harder but I did it. I was thrilled I had actually managed to play football again, after everything. That was topped off a few days later when I had the chance to meet the Scotland captain, Rachel Corsie, at the sportMoray Recognition Awards in Elgin and talk about the World Cup and women’s football. I was so excited to have that opportunity, and to meet one of the people that had been the main inspiration for me getting back into playing football again.
Now I’ve started playing football again and have begun my first season as a coach with Aberdeen Ladies for their new team, AFCL Youth U-13s. Our season got off to a great start with our first win in the North Claire Emslie Development League and Youth Football Scotland came along to film the game, so it was lots of fun. I was just about to start playing 5-a-side again too, when everything stopped because of another virus. This will just be another bump in the road but now I know that even big setbacks can be overcome, as long as you keep trying and don’t give up!
Thanks to: my audiologist Jayne Bryce, my physio Ashley Armstrong, Ann Rossiter for the opportunity to attend the sportMoray awards, AFC Women’s Emma Hunter for advice, AFC Ladies chairman Philip Sainsbury, U-13’s coaches Martin Allan, Nicky Morrison, Thomas Stein and the AFCL Youth U-13 girls.
